Mobile: Broad Daylight

Cooling off with some hefeweizen at a public park in broad daylight. Is this legal? As long as it's concealed, right? The moms with the kids were none too pleased. Also, not helping the caloric situation. Guess where I am.

Trailmix is the biggest fraud of our lives

Feeling a little unsatisfied with the soup + salad from lunch, I opted to get a small snack from the vending machine. It was a toss up between an Almond Joy* and a small (emphasis on small) bag of trail mix. Ultimately, I was swayed by the trail mix's inclusion of dehydrated apples. I do love dehydrated apples.

Knowing that nothing produced from a vending machine can ever be considered healthy, I was prepared to incur the wrath of said trail mix's nutritional label. However, as prepared as I thought I was, nothing could assuage my shock that said small baggy contained 500 freakin' calories of horror! That's pretty much an entire meal containing all five food groups right there (and a meal, I would have much rather had).

I shrugged and ate two thirds of it before conning my podmate to take the rest of the bag.

What a waste. I'm still hungry. And 333 calories fatter. That could have been a big, loaded, veggie egg white omelet with a side of bacon. Instead, it was two dinky handfuls of nasty trailmix.


* Admittedly, Almond Joys are not exactly diet food either, but I was prepared to eat only one half of the Almond Joy duo of goodness and give the other one away thereby making it a small and not-quite-as-caloric snack.

Autobots, Pandor!

Facebook graffiti kindly drawn pour moi.

Candy Thief

I purchased a bag of York Peppermint Patties a week ago and stuck them in the freezer of the break room. Today, there were only THREE left, and I've only had a couple. Someone's a peppermint patty thief. I am contemplating various ways to get back at the thief. Suggestions?

Tactic One: Inject some exlax into the peppermint patty core. Rewrap nicely and replace in bag.

Tactic Two: Write post-it note saying, "To the eater(s) of the peppermint patties: It has come to my attention that said peppermint patties were imported from China and contain toxic materials. A recall order has been placed. Please seek medical attention immediately."

Tactic Three: Write post-it note saying, "To the unintended benefactor(s) of the bag of peppermint patties: Please replace the bag. Thank you."

Tactic Four, suggested by colleague: Write post-it note saying, "To the peppermint patty thief: I am but a lowly analyst making minimum wage. Get your own damned $2 bag of candy!"

Heads, heads everywhere..

Phillip Toledano Photography

Life and Death in the PRC

In recent weeks, it seemed like every day there was a new "Most Emailed Article" on NYTimes.com about how some-such Chinese food/drug product was being recalled. It started with the dog food, then livestock feed, then the toothpaste, then the toy Thomas the tank engine trains painted with lead paint. China just can't catch a break, and neither could the former head of State Food and Drug Administration. I use the past-tense "could" because the former head of the State FDA is now deceased: executed after a very brief trial and denied appeals. Article - New York Times

When I first read the headline I thought, "Executed?? No, no, they must mean they fired him." No, it meant he was executed (details are not available but I guess assumption is that he was shot by a firing squad). It was a stark reminder of how different the dictatorial government of the east is in comparison to our slap-on-the-wrists attitude in the United States. The man took some bribes; what US government official hasn't? (In fact, what Chinese government official hasn't?)

In many ways, I am deeply disturbed by his execution. The point, the article states, was that the government wanted to send the message that it would not take these little missteps lightly. He shamed the nation and had to pay. Instead, the only message I hear is that China is a scary place. I am a China-apologist. You know, heritage and all, ... but I just can't condone this action! If there is one thing I hate, it's hypocrisy. And how hypocritical to throw him to the wolves while the rest get fat on their corruption.

Mobile: Torrential Rains

Ugh i have to go home in that? Two days in a row now. Good thing for patent leather.

Sweat-Free Summer

Last year at the Pitchfork Music Festival, dedicated hipsters wore skin-tight jeans and layered tops in the 105 degree temperatures. I was exhausted and falling over from heat stroke and there they were, hair shellacked across their foreheads and all. Really? How do they do it? And some nary had a dewy glow! What is the secret, oh hipsters, oh hipsters?

This past weekend of 100 degree temps really had me drenched. Dewy summer glow doesn't look like a dewy glow; no, it looks like the greasy face of a disgruntled thai prostitute. (May those photos never surface).

Think cool thoughts.

Real Life; Virtual Life

If all else is lost, there is always the internet. From the NYTimes Magazine: Reality vs. Virtual Reality